Everybody needs good neighbours - Can I have yours?

I think I may need to drop a copy of the theme tune to Neighbours in next door... I am beginning to immensely dislike them.

Next door there is a mother and two teenager girls. Last summer there was nothing but hassle. My front door was egged, my kitchen window was egged and my car was egged all by their hormone raging, bum fluff growing mates that roamed in and out of the house all summer. They spend most of their time screaming and banging. I swear to God, I hope no one ever breaks in and they scream for help because we will literally just think its their usual nightly behaviour. Their screaming and shouting and banging and, what I can only assume from the sound of it, furniture rearranging at some unearthly hour of the night is so loud that it is picked up by the baby monitor.

There are nights I have gone and checked on Holly before bed only to realise that they are so loud they might as well be standing over her cot shouting at her.

Thankfully, she is a child that could sleep through the apocalypse, a trait she inherited in equal parts from her mother and father. But every now and then the noise levels are so high that the poor child wakes up thinking the world is coming to an end in a blaze of teenage angst.

Last night I lost it. They were partaking in their usual 1am furniture shuffle and shout and it woke me and the baby. I hit the roof. I flew from my warm cozy bed and down the stairs, out the door and hammered on their door like a crazed banshee with homeless hair.

Teenagers are rude. I don't ever remember being rude like this. Not even slightly afraid of this sleep disturbed woman standing in front of them. I mean, not that I like to admit it and if they said it to me I would vehemently defend myself, but to them I am old and should, therefore, be feared. But they didn't care. Not one bit.

So I fumed back to bed vowing to make all the noise in the world today to disturb their sleeps. Little witches...

I am currently looking at houses. There are very specific requirements;

In the middle of no where
No neighbours
A fireplace that works
A moate to ensure no neighbours can be built in the vicinity of my new house