Poking Fun at it All

4 weeks Old Today

I can't actually believe that I am typing this, but my baby girl is 4 weeks old today! The last four weeks have flown by in a haze of adoration, feeding, changing and, of course, worry! It feels like she's always been here, but at the same time only yesterday that I was talking about the Big Push!

Yesterday she started consciously smiling. Who would have though that I would be so excited about something as simple as a smile, but there you are, I am! I was  delighted with myself when she smiled at me. I am, once again, convinced that I have brought a genius into the world and am already planning what I can force her into in order to make me a Mom-ager, like Kris Jenner. Sure she seems like a happy enough woman, always has a glass of vino in her hand and designer gear on her back!

I have discovered a good bit in the last four weeks.  I have learned how to do a multitude of tasks one handed. I have also learned that I do not need 10 hours sleep to function, 3 in a row is enough to keep me going. Although on saying that, I have been blessed with a little sleeper. Which isn't that much of a surprise when you think about it, myself and Himself are fond of our z's so there was a good chance our off spring would be of the same mind.

Other things I have learned in the last 4 weeks include;

- Don't  be too quick to change a nappy. Sometimes they are just not done. I have so far had her pee on me at least 4 times and once, sadly and much to my dismay, she poohed on me too. That wasn't the happiest day of my life, I can assure you! It did not get the same adoration and applause as the first time she smiled at me...

- Baby puke can get anywhere. It dries in. Always check your neck before leaving the house. There may be some dried in baby puke there. Never a good look.

- Holly knows when I am  trying to get organised to go somewhere. She senses it. It's like she just wants to make it that little bit more difficult. And she succeeds. No amount of organisation or bargaining will work. If she's pitching a fit, I just need to work around it.

- I've spent the last 9 months feeling like a 10 tonne tessie and have been unable to see my feet, just because I can now see my feet does not mean that I am a bag of bones and can slip into a size zero.. I can't actually slip into my pre-pregnancy clothes!

- It takes a while to feel normal again. Whatever that is. I still don't feel 100% normal now. I am impatient to start exercising and get back to a routine, but my body (and my baby) are refusing to play ball.

- Eat when you can, cause God knows when your next opportunity will arise! I have made the mistake of settling her, sterilising and organising her bottles and THEN trying to have breakfast / lunch. Big mistake. Normally when that happens, it ends up being about 3pm before I get a bite to eat and at that stage I'm crawling into the kitchen and eating a bowl of Special K because I am too weak to stand / prepare anything else.  Gone are my fancy Goats Cheese Tarts with walnut salad and balsamic dressing!!!

- It's important to have baby knowledgeable people to be able to call on.  Mums, mothers in law, friends, sisters. Anyone that's had a baby and you  trust. I have made a lot of calls in the last four weeks with questions, worrying that I am doing it wrong, more questions. I would be lost without my Mam, Mother in Law and two best friends. I would literally have lost the plot without their help, reassurance and support.

I have left her four times in the last four weeks.  It was intentional and I left her with a responsible adult! I didn't just leave her in a car park by mistake! Although, I do have a fear of that!  Anyway, I have left her four times for a couple of hours each time. The first time was the hardest.  I was so anxious at the thought of leaving her, then I was anxious because I didn't think I'd feel that way and didn't want to be a mother that was afraid to leave their child. I had myself bound up in knots over it all.  I was crying to my mam, crying to my mother in law. It was awful! But then, on the second Wednesday she was here we had a horror of a day. She was in awful form. Wouldn't settle for love nor money, nor the promise of another pony (by the time this kid is 6 she'll be able to open a pony trekking business if I go through with all these promised pony's!!) Himself walked through to the door and handed him his dinner with one hand, his daughter with the other and I ran, like a bat out of hell, out the door and off up to the shopping center for a look around.

I was delighted when I discovered that leaving her would not result in me bursting into tears / flames, and that she didn't actually notice that I was gone. It became clear that at her age, she couldn't give a fiddlers who's with her as long as she's fed, warm and being cuddled - fickle little fecker that she is!

Leaving her has gotten a little easier every time. But I think its actually the walking out the door that i struggle with. Once I'm gone, I'm actually quiet happy to be out and about without her. Myself and Himself went for drinks last weekend. Left her with my parents. It was my first time drinking in nearly 11 months. I had a pint of Heineken, then I had 3 bottles of Corona and THEN, himself got me Captain Morgan and Ginger ale. That was delicious. Now, you wouldn't be drinking them bad boys all night! Apart from the fact that you would be on the floor, or at least an inexperienced boozer like myself would be, but they are expensive! Worth it though. Totes worth it.

In two weeks time I'll have the green light from the Doctor and will be able to go back to the Big Deflation. And then I will feel like I have some control! Because right now, I have relinquished all control to the Queen of the World and the Boss of Everything...

Thought for Today

I survived Labour Day...

Labour day was 11th April 2014. It ended at 10.07am with the birth of our beautiful baby girl, Holly Rose Elizabeth McCarthy. She arrived into this world safe and sound, with all fingers and toes in tact, a fantastic set of lungs and no fear of using them, and weighed in at 8lb 05oz. She has a full head of dark hair. I believe that the makers of Gaviscon are sending her a welcome basket as a thank you for single handedly being responsible for keeping the company in profits while I was pregnant with her. If they aren't, they really should! 

We are utterly besotted. I cry at the drop of a hat! Every time I think of her, or see her with himself, I just cry with pure happiness. There's a good chance the tears are assisted by a healthy dose of my old friend, hormones! 

Having experienced Labour, it is now clear to me why it is not called "peaceful walk in the park" or something similar. I started Labour with airy fairy ideas of making it to the big push on gas and air. Only a first time mother would have such notions! Here's some things you may or may not know about Labour;

1. Pre-labour pains are painful. They are the pains BEFORE the pains! And they are hard work. And can take hours or days, depending on your misfortune. They also actually feel like what you think real live labour pains feel like, especially for the first time mam, but you haven't a clue what your talking about! In real live labour you will long for pre-labour pains! So the hours I spent in pre-labour breathing through each pain, walking, squatting, thinking I was dialating, were in fact doing very little. I was actually 19 hours in pre-labour before I had dialated! Every time I tried to go to the loo I got a mother and father of a contraction and had to hop up from my perch! When it was time to go to the delivery room I was begging for the epidural! When I was offered gas and air I said, yes please, and the epidural! 

I had no plan, with regard to pain relief, except to go in and see what happens! I have the utmost respect for every woman that gives birth medication free. You are heros! But anyone that decides to go with the epidural after thinking they wouldn't, don't be hard on yourself. God made Anesitist to help us through!!

2. Gas and Air should only be taken during a contraction. Sucking on that bad boy between contractions may seem like a great idea, but in the end, you get dizzy and sick! Much like you've drank too much wine! Labour day was the first time in 9 months I felt drunk and hungover - all at once!

3. Labour is nothing like the telly. It is a looooong process! Mine was 10 hours, the actual labour bit, not the pre labour bit. And the only bit of action was the last 50 mins for the big push..

4. When I say there was no action, that's not strictly true. The epidural can fall out! It can happen to 1 in 100 labours. And guess what? I am officially a part of that statistic! When it stopped working and I got the full force of those contractions. Well, let's just say I was calling for the priest and told himself to put a bullet in me!! By Jaysus they were rough. A lovely man came down to give me more drugs. He was an angel... You have to remain really still to get it done, which is a bit of a  sick joke considering the pain your in. I had to sit up and himself was coaching me along, it's ok, says he, you can do this. Stay still says he. So I made an executive decision. I fell asleep. Yep. I actually used my ability to fall asleep at will to block out the pain. The midwife said she had never seen anything like it! Power of the mind is a wonderful thing. Not as wonderful as a lb epidural though. That stuff is the bomb! Within 20 mins I was right as rain sitting up telling jokes as if it never happened!

5. You don't get to keep your midwife. Not that I expected her to be mine forever and bring her home or anything. But the wonderful midwife and doctor that were with me from 12am had to leave me at 8am because their shift was done! I was gutted because they'd been so good I wanted them to see the big push! But they were replaced by an equally lovely team and by the end of it all I felt like i would love these women for the rest of my days. 

6. Labour, gas and air, pain - all a combination that could result in verbal diarrhoea. The stuff that I was coming out with! My goodness! I told the first epidural guy that he was a real treat. Said in a time dripping with sarcasm! He was so rude! Then when it fell out, the midwife was afraid to get him back in case I gave out to him! 

That's not all I did! I asked them to tell me if I pooed during the push! And it gets worse!

The consultant came in at the end. He was a bit of a dish. Myself and the junior doctor had been discussing him earlier in the morning. Anyway. There he is, working away at my nether regions. I'm in the throws of it. I turn around to him and say "your social life must be terrible". Says he "why?" Says I, "well, when I spend all day sending emails and the like in work, I've no desires to do it at home. Must be the same for you?"... 

I thought the midwives were going to collapse with laughing! Himself thought id  lost the plot! The doctor just looked at me and said "right! Well! Let's get going"

7. The aftermath. It doesn't matter how well it all went or how not to plan it went. You really don't care if you've been split in two. When they fling that baby up on top of you, and it does seem like they fling her. And you hear that cry! It's like everything fades. No one asked me to sign a non-disclosure form, as I long suspected they would. You just don't care about it anymore!

And then the emotions come! Jaysus I think for the first hour it was only dogs that could understand me! I was sobbing and crying and declaring undying love like nobody's business!!!

All in all, Labour Day was a success! We survived to tell the tale. And have come

Out the other side of it as a trio instead of a duo. And even though I still feel a little like I've been turned inside out and scrubbed with bleach, I would do it all again, a million times over.

She's worth it!

40 Weeks, 3 Days

Here I am. How am I? Well, I am, rather noticeably, still bloody pregnant! Apparently my darling little bundle of

Joy got his/her fathers genes in the time keeping department! And also may have got his/her fathers teasing gene!! 

As I am now 3 days overdue, I have become hyper aware of my body. Every twinge, every ache and every single noise has become a "sign"... I am in and out of the bathroom like a mad woman and have myself convinced that every widdle I have is actually my waters breaking.

Every time the Braxton hicks / false hope start up, I get excited. Which is so foolish of me because I've been having false hope for weeks now - I know what they feel like. But even though I know it's Braxton Hicks, I get a bit excited. Start my timing. It all fades to nothing. The baby then does a little roll and a little kick which I take as a "haha! Fooled you. Think I'll stay here a little longer". There is a good possibility that this baby knows I will torment it once it's here (in a good loving way) and it's his trying to get as much of it's own back while it can!

But then there's dealing with the hope that springs eternal in the eyes of my entourage! Them being Himself and my parents! My poor parents decided to come down from Donegal to spend the Due Date Weekend with us in the hopes that they would be in the thick of it when everything got moving. The poor divils! Every time I wince from a pelvic pain or even just a wind pain, the hope on their faces makes me feel so bad for them. I think my womb has stage fright! And did you ever just know what was going to happen next? I know what's goin to happen!

My poor parents will leave me today and just as they pull up outside their house, after a 3 and half hour journey, I'll ring and say "you're grandchild has arrived"! 

So I've been researching/begging for ways to bring this baby out. Patience is a reoccurring theme. Has anyone any idea where I might get some of this patience? I've searched Amazon and e-bay but it seems impossible to locate. 

Anyway. Here I am. 40 weeks and 3 days and just dying to finally meet the little person I made from scratch and cooked for the last 40 weeks. 

It feels like I'll be pregnant forever!

It's been 52 weeks.. And I am officially 40 weeks

This day, 52 weeks ago, I was awake at the crack of dawn tormenting my mother, sister and bridesmaids with a lovely song "we're going to the chapel and we're gonna get married"... It is exactly one year since a team of ladies arrived in a hotel room, made me look the best I've ever, or will ever, look and I headed off in my lovely Guna to marry my lovely husband! 

And here we are now, 52 weeks on, 40 weeks pregnant and not a sign of that team of ladies to help me look glam. My wedding dress now shudders at the sight of me and my tummy! "You'll not be putting me on" she says! "Go find yourself something elasticated and come back to me when the baby has come".

And when will the baby come!? When? Seriously? I want to know. Clearly it has not been given my penchant for being 15 minutes early for everything or else it would have arrived at 11.45 last night. It must take after it's father so... Always late! Due date schmue date! All lies. I don't know why they don't just say to you "listen love, some time in April the baby will arrive. Not going to give you an actual date, just be ready in April". And as for Braxton bloody Hicks. False hope is what they should be called. False hope!

So today I sit thinking about the best day of my life so far, waiting for the best thing we ever did to arrive! My eviction notice has not worked. Promises of ponies and trips to Disney land have not worked. Patience is one of the few virtues I do not posses, so that won't work.  If anyone has any tips to help me evict my lovely lodger, please, get in touch as let me know!

The Preggos Hobby

So, as I have mentioned previously, I decided to take up knitting and crotcheting to keep me entertained and sitting still while I am cooking this Bambino.  My transition from trendy party girl to the youngest Nana Mc was completed today as I say crotcheting while drinking warm milk and honey and cinnamon. Yes people, it's official! I have turned into a granny!!! 

Anyway! I thought I would share some of my creations...

Can you see my swollen sausage toes?? Truly delightful!!!

This will be lovely for Easter.. Again,check out my sausage toes!

A hat to keep his / her head warm after the big push

Finally, this is to be used when Liverpool are playing! Hopefully the baby will be wrapped in this on Sunday to watch the Pool win! And also, one final glimpse at those tasty sausage toes!

Aren't I quiet the talent. If you have a baby in your life that you would like to wrap in wool, please let me know and I can whip you up a blanket, in the colour of your choice, in a jiffy! Just giver a cup of warm milk and honey and your golden!!! Thankfully, the Nana in me is still resisting the urge to go to bingo, so maybe all hope is not lost!!!!

I'm off now to feed the bump - I've a hankering for a sausage sandwich... Should put some socks on, it'll stop me thinking of Superquinn sausages!