Monday, 30 June 2014

Weigh Day - The Result

I stayed the same again this week. And, mortification of all mortifications, in response to this news, I burst into tears at the scales! Did not expect that reaction, and nor did my lovely leader! She was so sweet to me as I stood there snotting and crying all over her! And to further add to my morto moment, I had to walk through the Pavilion with my mascara streaked face! I pulled my hair down over the streaks and did my best impression of Cousin It from the Adams Family as I pelted my way to the safety of my car where I could indulge in some good old fashioned wailing! 

A slight over reaction to perhaps? Well maybe, but still, I walked away from that scales feeling like pants! As I mentioned in my previous post, a lot of insecurities and negative feelings have been raising their ugly, soul destroying heads over the last number of days, and that scales just isn't helping the situation. 

When I got home and himself saw I had been crying, I told him that I was feeling a little bit down in the dumps. Says he; Why pet? Says I; don't really know love but going to get weighed every week is definitely not helping me. Says he; what can I do to help. Says I: wire my jaw shut? Says he; ah no, I don't think that's the answer. Says I; right, well I'll have a cup of tea so...

So after out little chat, during which he pointed out my tendency to be very hard on myself and awful mean to myself, I came to the conclusion that I might have returned to the scales too soon and need to relax a bit and be a little less unkind to myself! I am going to take a break from The Soul Crusher for a couple of weeks and go back when I am feeling a little less crappy! 

I'll spend the next couple of weeks going walking and getting myself back into some form of fitness and then I'll have my head on right and be able to tackle weight watchers right!! 

Friday, 27 June 2014

Weigh Day

It is weigh day again. I have not had the best week, mostly because it took me till Thursday to recover from Sundays wedding! My Jaysus but they omit some pretty vital information from them books! 4 days to recover from one all day event? Pre baby me would have laughed my head off, pulled up my drinking socks and had a fanny bomb for my self! Post baby? Gis a bowl a soup and something soft to rest for my over danced calves!!!!

Sunday was amazing! Myself and Himself left a Rachel and Himself shaped hole in the door, such was our eagerness to celebrate these nuptials! And also to have lunch and a pint in peace. Yes, I said a pint. Since Christmas Day I've been dying for a pint of Corrs! I mean sell your granny dying! So 10 weeks after the arrival of my Dolly I had a pint. And it was delicious! We had a great day. I danced the legs off myself! I was Irish dancing, back leaping and shimming around that dance floor like nobodies business! 

I have started and restarted this post a few times! My weigh in last week, after all my hard work, was an utter disappointment and has me awfully downhearted! It has made me realise how much of my mood is tied to how I feel about myself and, despite knowing I have only just had a baby, I don't feel great about myself. Which is a bit sad and something I need to fix! The aul insecurities are at an all time high, and the self esteem is a bit on the low side! 

But this week will be different. I will change my attitude and start the week by being a little bit nicer to myself and a lot less unkind! 

I shall keep you posted

Poking Fun at it All

Saturday, 21 June 2014

Weigh Day - The Result

Well! Horrified and Dismayed and Horrified.. Serves me right for quietly thinking I smashed my weight loss goal! Feckin Soul Crusher has, well, crushed my soul! 

After all my trotting around the place, clocking up 30.65 kilometres this week, getting up on a Saturday feckin morning to go walking, granted given that I am on maternity leave every day is Saturday to me, but still, I didn't loose anything. Not even a flippin ounce. I swear to God! I can't believe it! As I said, horrified and dismayed and just plain horrified! 

I knew those extra freckles would go against me.... 

Friday, 20 June 2014

Weigh Day Tomorrow

Another weigh day is nearly upon me! I set myself 3 goals this week;

Loose 1.5lb
Track everything I eat
Walk 20k

So far this week I have smashed one of those goals. I have walked the legs of myself and actually clocked up 26.7 kilometres so far! Naturally, the fabulous weather has made that an easy thing to do! I spent much of my week trotting along the coast line from malahide to portmarnock and back! I brought my Dolly to the beach for the first time. She wasn't all that impressed - that's gratitude for you! Mama sweating like a donkey in a sauna to bring her to the beach and all she could do was eat her fingers... 

Along with clocking up those kilometres, I have managed to amass an impressive amount of new freckles on my already freckle stained face... Despite slathering myself with an inch thickness of factor 50,that's right, factor 50 - my fair skin sizzles like bacon when greeted with any kind of sun, I still got a heap load of feckin freckles for my efforts... Here's hoping they don't add to the scales tomorrow! 

I wasn't very good at tracking... Not good at all. I'll be killed for this, but I couldn't find a pen! And with a 10 week old to distract me on a minute by minute basis, t'was hard to remember to write what I bit... But I did weigh everything. I didn't even cheat with my cheese! 

All in all, I am confident that I will loose my goal... I'll be very sad if I don't!

Fingers crossed for me, everyone think light thoughts in my honour

Thursday, 19 June 2014

My Cousin, Luke Brennan

4 weeks ago today my cousin, Luke Brennan, was taken from us. He was 21 years young and, tragically, he was killed doing what he loved to do, riding his motorbike. His death was sudden, unexpected and has made little sense to those who know and love him.

Luke was born two months after my little sister, who many will know as being a central part of my world! As a small kid, I would have been close to Luke. I babysat him and his older brother. I watched him make his holy communion. 

It would be nice to sit here and say that we had a close relationship as we got older. Sadly, that's not the case. We drifted apart, the way age gaps and distance often cause relationships to change. 

The last time I saw him was the night of my wedding. He came to the party and he spent the evening joking and laughing with my family. He congratulated me. He thanked me for inviting him, and, what I remember is our last conversation. He wanted to go to bed and was making his younger brother go with him. I started slagging him, telling him he was an old man and promised that if he went to bed I would make sure Matthew was alright. But he wouldn't go without him.

If I had have known that night was the last time I would have an opportunity to spend time with him, I would have made more of an effort to see him. 

I haven't been to many funerals in my life.  That's not a complaint! And the ones I've been to have been pretty sad. But there was only one that was as sad as Luke's. In the days after his death, I learned a lot about my little cousin. He was great with his hands. He was happiest tinkering with bikes and shooting with his dad. He had some amazing people around him that love him dearly. He was popular and funny and I wish I had spent time getting to know the man he had become.

His passing has made me realise that your whole life can change in an instant. Nothing is forever and nothing is guaranteed. It's important to remember that there may not be a tomorrow. I need to stop putting things off. I need to stay connected to the people in my life and never take for granted that they will be there tomorrow to get to know better, tell them I love them or listen to what they have to say. 

4 weeks ago today, our family chain was broken. The link that was Luke has changed how our chain looks. It can never be repaired, the link can never be replaced. His parents and brothers and sister need to learn to live with the hole he has left behind. And, from what I have learned of him, it is a big hole.  

Rest In Peace Luke. You will be forever in our hearts and our thoughts. 

Thought for Today

Poking fun at it all

Monday, 16 June 2014

Thought for Today

The One Routine Guaranteed to a make you beautiful..

This is a lovely article - food for thought. Which I wish was my favourite kind of food, because it has no calories so I could fill my boots with it!!! 

Poking fun at it all

Sunday, 15 June 2014

Week 3 - The Plan of Action

Ok! So apparently I need a kick in my sizeable backside to get my weight watching head back on straight! No point in paying Weight Watchers a tenner a week to just watch my weight increase now is there? 

Having gained 1lb instead of loosing it, I've had my ass kicked and have devised a plan... The goals for next week are;

Loose 1.5lb, complete 20k of walking and track everything I eat..


Exercise is a little bit on the tricky side still. I'm not fully back to fighting fitness, or whatever my pre-pregnancy equivalent was. But in saying that, there may be a chance, a very small minute chance, that I am using this as an excuse to do nothing at all. As I say, possibly a chance - not a guarantee!

I know myself that back pain can be helped by walking and strengthening my core muscles etc... So I am committing to walking a minimum of 20k and the 30 day squat challenge. I have knocked off 7k of my goal already! 

How to loose the 1.5lb?

Well, I'll begin by ridding the house of all baking parifinalia. All of it! I have no ingredients to go creating my downfall from scratch, so I am committing to NOT going out and purchasing any of the required ingredients for chocolate cake or similar. You would think that I wouldn't have to state that I won't go buying the stuff, but let's face it, I am willing to go to all the bother of baking a feckin cake to sabotage my efforts, so best to err on the side of caution!

Track It

I promise to track everything I put into my gob! Every last crumb that I eat. As the saying goes, bite it then write it!

Reward for goal achieved?

My aul eyebrows are starting to take on the look of black caterpillars crawling across my face. My reward for achieving my goals, and not feckin baking, is to get those bad boys tamed! And I need to have it done because I am attending a wedding on Sunday and I can't be going around looking like the evil Sargent from Police Academy;

If this image is not motivation enough, then I don't know what is!!!!

Saturday, 14 June 2014

Weigh Day - The Result

Well I got weighed and I am not disappointed! In all fairness, considering how uncommitted I've been, and the feckin cake I baked and ate, I've only put up 1lb in two weeks... Things could, and probably should, have been a lot worse!

Next week will be better - much better!  No more baking! No more munching and much more moving! 

What's the one healthy habit I will introduce this week? Removal of all baking parifinalia from the house

Tonight for Today

I knew it...

Friday, 13 June 2014

9 weeks old and it's Weigh Day tomorrow

My Holly Dolly is 9 weeks old today. And after 9 weeks, I have been diagnosed with motherhood induced schizophrenia! Not officially, of course, this is a self diagnosis kindly assisted by the trusted and always right, Dr. Google and confirmed by the following someecard

This is a strange phenomenon which has only begun occurring since my Dolly arrived! I can literally hear her crying whenever I do something noisy, like boil the kettle. Granted, it's a loud kettle and I think it is the reason she ALWAYS knows I am about to have a cuppa, but I swear I can hear her.. I run to her aid, loving mama that I am saying "sssssh baba, here's your mama now" only to find her snoring her head off and leaving me looking like a feckin lunatic!

Today is the first day that I had a shower with just myself and herself in the house. I would like to point out that I not one of the great unwashed, I have had many showers and baths in the last 9 weeks, there's just always been Himself in the house to keep an eye on the newborn that can't roll, control her hand movements or escape the house without being lifted... But all the same, these newborns are tricky little divils....

So anyway, as I was saying, having the shower. She's snoozing away In the room next to the bathroom, I have the monitor with the motion sensors AND noise sensors right where I can see it, and then it happens. I can hear her crying. But wait, the monitor isn't picking it up. It's in my head. Continue showering! No, wait! Definetly hear her. Is top of the range monitor, that works perfectly everywhere else, no longer working? I turn off shower and freeze. Holding my breath in case my breathing prevents me from hearing her cries - forgetting of course that when she cries you can hear her in Donegal she's got such a set of lungs on her!!! In the silence of the bathroom I realise that it's all in my head. Continue showering. Forget that the feckin thermostat on our feckin shower is fecked so that when you turn off the shower and turn it back on straight away boiling water shoots from the peeling the skin off your bones... 

Then I freeze, I can hear her crying... Repeat until shower is over!

Needless to say, one of these days she will be crying and I will ignore her because I will think it's all in my head and then she'll be scared for life and cost me a flippin fortune in counselling fees...

It's weigh day tomorrow. I absolutely chickened out of going Wednesday! But tried to claw back some of my ability to loose a pound. I did well. Even went on a picnic. Planned the contents of the picnic to the letter. Bottle of milk for the Dolly, herby Cous Cous with prawns and a mango salsa. Delicious! Got up on Thursday. Made the deliciousness. Packed it up. Realised I was 4 hours to early. Made a chocolate cake with chocolate butter icing. Ate a taster slice. Brought a slice for the picnic. Ruined my healthy picnic! 

And I wouldn't mind! It's not like I went into a shop and was bombarded with cakes and such to purchase. I could understand a slip in willpower then. But I actively went and made a cake - from flippin scratch! It didn't even exist before I decided to make it! I actually created an obstacle for myself! I assembled it and watched it rise in the oven.. That's not a slip in willpower... That's an almighty buckling of it with a dollop of self sabotage for good measure! Feck sake! Learning to bake was the worst thing I ever did! All grand when your growing a baby and people tell you your glowing or that pregnancy suits you... Don't want someone saying that to me now, do I?

So I shall face the soul crusher in the morning and resolve to do better next week, and dispose of all baking equipment and ingredients...

Still though, it was a tasty cake!

Thought for Today

Monday, 9 June 2014

Weigh day has been and gone

That's right... Weigh day has been and gone and I haven't had the courage to face that damn scales, also known as The Soul Crusher... Why? Well let me review my first week back... 

I rejoined my class on Saturday. I was full of the beans and good intentions as I walked out of the class. Also full of excitement because it was my first night out since, well, 5 July 2013. The night was a success, I didn't have too much of a hangover and I didn't eat rings around myself...

Then I went to Donegal so myself and my Holly Dolly could spend a few days in the warm and welcoming bosom of my family. I ate a fair bit, drank more wine than intended and never tracked a dang thing I put in my mouth - sure wasn't i on my jolliers...

I came home on Wednesday and went walking on Thursday and was ever so good, give or take a bar of chocolate... Himself had a pressing engagement with a golf course that I was to deliver him to on Saturday. So I happily came to the occlusion that I couldn't possibly go to my class that afternoon, time would be too tight. No point just going to be weighed and not stay for the class, says I! Sure I could that at home for nothing, I declared! 

Then I went out on Saturday again. Went to a BBQ. It was a throw back to 2007. A year when many of our close friends bought houses and we spent many a summer weekend drinking and partying our heads off, sans responsibility (with the exception of the mortgage of course) and without a care or thought for the damage we were causing the wooden floors / furniture / livers... And it was also a year when all of our darling off spring were yet to be a gleam in their Daddy's eye... Children? Ha! Sure I couldn't keep a Basil plant alive, was the attitude I had back then. 

It was lovely to party like it was 2007 again. But alas, time has moved on. I may be able to party like it, but by Jaysus I can't recover like the old days. It's Monday night and I am only coming right. And I had a baby to look after as well - won't be in a hurry for a repeat of that I can tell you!

So, to sum up, since joinin back weight watchers I've eaten and drank myself silly... These actions do not a successful slimmer make. I've chickened out of a weigh in tonight, but I'll go on Wednesday and see what I can claw back...

Also since my return to the weight watching, my little Dolly turned 8 weeks old and I left her over night for the firs time. She stayed with her Auntie Marie. By all accounts she had a great time. I didn't cry when I left her. But I did spend the whole day trying to think of reasons not to go out. These babies, they come into your life and turn it upside down... But it's worth it! 

I shall commit to pouring as much energy into loosing weight as i have into avoiding my class... I'll be a bag of bones by the end of the week so...

Thought for Today

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Warmest of Welcomes and back in control

I am back in control, or at least my beautiful daughter is allowing me to believe I have regained some semblance of control in one aspect of my life! This is because me and my Holly Dolly rejoined weight watchers on Saturday. Not that she needs to be watching her weight do anything but increase by the pounds, but the plan is that as she's increasing, I am decreasing!!! 

The Saturday class is a brilliant idea! I will see if I can continue on a Saturday, I may have to revisit my old Monday stomping grounds... Which is also a good class. Why? Well, Saturday is the night I am most likely to go out. Not that it matters to me these days, but all my working buddies go out of a Saturday so it means that attending a class on a Saturday,  I am more inclined to behave myself and then if, by some crazy means, my halio of goodness slips on said night out, I have a WHOLE week to repair the damage! Monday is equally as good because, judging from past experience, it makes me good all week to allow for slight over indulgence at the weekend. All this is said while forgetting that I have another means of keeping me on the straight and narrow - my daughter! I tend to forget sometimes that the aul social life isn't going to be as party heavy as it was 12 months ago!!!

Speaking of nights out.. I had my first proper, on the lash, night out on Saturday! I survived it. Firstly I actually managed to leave her without bursting into tears... Secondly, I got so giddy I could have had the night out without having a single drink and had a ball. But I did have a drink... I had many! It was fantastic! I drank and danced my little heart out! When I got home I slept I the spare room and was very proud of the control I displayed by not sneaking in and giving Holly a good nigh kiss! 

Sunday was rough.. I won't lie. I was wobbly on my hangover pins.. There was a scary moment I thought i may need to call the priest, but I was fine! Delighted with myself for not being too hungover and all I ate to get my through it was a magnum and a sausage... Success!!!

This is me ready to go out. You like the pose???

So! Me and my Dolly arrived to my class and my lovely weight watchers leader greeted us so warmly! It was like the prodigal son returning home. And then the same thing that happens every time me and my Dolly go anywhere happened... I got shoved aside and she took centre stage! Like I said before, my throne has been stolen, she is now the Queen of the World and the boss of everything!!! 

I am back on it! Simple start all the way and I am combining my comeback with a purge of all things gluten! My own Mama is coeliac. It's a condition she shares with  3 of her 4 sisters. For those that don't know, it's an allergy to gluten that has very unpleasant and often mortifying consequences.... Gluten is a protein found in bread, pasta, chocolate, flour - pretty much anything tasty. I have read so much, recently, about the effects of the slightest intolerance, I've decided to give it bash excluding it from my diet! It's relatively easy - just eat nothing processed... I don't know how long I'll last, considering I am only 3 days in and already accidentally ate one of my nanas scones! Delicious and not quite part of the simple start plan, but she's 86 and still baking, so I figure it won't be held against me!

Here's to a successful weight watching week... I'll keep you posted on weigh day